one more original poem of mine

[shubh]

Har kisi ke dil mein khuch na khuch armaan toh jarur hote hain
Khuch ankahe khuch ansune khuch duniya se chupaye hote hain
Khuch log unhe pure karne ki chah mein mar jaate hain
Khuch unhe pura karke hi dum lete hain

Dilho ki gherai mein khuch jazbaat bhi chupe hote hain
Jaise saagr ki gheraayi mein moti chupe hote hain
Jaise gotakhor un moti ko chun lete hain
Wase hi dost humare jazbaat pad lete hain

Dil mein khuch yaadein bhi zarur hoti h
khuch maa, khuch bhen ,khuch kisi kareebi se judi hoti h
jo inhe aaankhon mein pd leta h
wohi toh sacha dost sacha sathi hota h

dil mein khuch tanhaayian bhi chupi hoti hai
kisi ke kho jaane ka dukh toh khuch doston ki sharartein chupi hoti hai
kaise bhul jaaun un chand doston ko
jinke saare meri duniya jo chal rhi hai

khuch log sirf khushi mein saath dete h
khuch log mushkilon mein aage aakar khade ho jaate hain
khuch apne toh khuch paraye hote hain
khuch gham ko bhi khushi mein badal dete hain

dosti dimaag se nahi dil se nibhayi jaati hai
mujhe toh doston mein hi duniya dikhai deeti hai
akela naa rhe saka hun naa rhe paunga
kayion ko jaise mujhe kichad mein bhi moti dhudne ki aadat jo hoti h


:cry1::cry1::cry1::cry1::cry1::cry1:

[Jupiter]

I cant avoid being a critic, apologies for that in advance.

Dont make poetry as just wordplay and rhyming (rhyming missing mostly in your poem anyway)

Read it when you write, see if all things fall in a flow while reciting. Make things balanced. Good thoughts sometimes get buried under the weight of wordplay and you miss impressing the reader.

This is not to discourage you but to stop you from making mistakes, and help you improve.

All the best...

[shubh]

thanks bhaai jaan surely i will keep all this points in my mind while writing another poem

[Alexander Pearce]

:D Le li :D

[shubh]

:D Le li :D


le li nahi yeh bhaii jaan kaa humare prati pyaar h
broda!!!!!!:tongue::tongue::tongue:

[Laundebaaz]

:D Le li :D


Yeh bhai pooch rahe hein Salaah le li

[shubh]

lbz sahab bhool toh nahi gaye the hume

itne dinon baad darshan diye aapne

[Alexander Pearce]

Yeh bhai pooch rahe hein Salaah le li

aur ye janab samajhey ki "salaakh le li" :D

[shubh]

bhai abhi tak letey hi aaye hain isliye seedha wahin phochte hain hum