Vishnoi
3rd February 2006, 06:22 PM
Bus ride
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush is over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Bannta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Are Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin' on? Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ? Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a driver."
:lol:
Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University
final examination. He takes his seat in the examination
hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and
then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and
throws them out of the window. He then removes his
turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and
watch follow suit. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what
is going on.
Oye, I am only following the instructions
- 'Answer in brief'.
:tongue_smilie:
A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it
home somewhere in Rajasthan,but two days later disconnected it
because he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke
bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai" (Idiot! He's taking the phone and
saying he's not there.)
:blink:
Sardar tells a girl "Come 2 my house at nite, nobody will b
there............. Girl goes at night & realy nobody was there.
Punjab Engineering & Medical Entrance Exam
Time Limit: 3 Weeks
1. What language is spoken in Tamil Nadu ?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
(a) build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army or
(d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope?
(a) Jewish
(b) Catholic
(c) Hindu
(d) Polish
(e) Agnostic (check only one)
5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and
the little hand is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately) 8.
What are people in India's far north called?
(a) Westerners
(b) Southerners
(c) Northerners
9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton
10. Six kings of India have been called Akbar , the last one
being
Akbar the Sixth. Name the previous five.
11. Where does rain come from?
(a) Macy's
(b) a 7-11
(c) Canada
(d) the sky
12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
(a) yes
(b) no
13. What are coat hangers used for?
14. The "Jana Gana Mana " is the National Anthem for what
country?
15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium
-OR-spell
your name in BLOCK LETTERS.
16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?
17. Which part of India produces the most oranges?
(a) Gujarat
(b) Russia
(c) Canada
(d) Pakistan
18. Advanced math. If you have three apples how many apples do
you have?
19. What does AIR (All India Radio) stand for?
20. The University of Chandigarh tradition for efficiency began
when
(approximately)? (a) B.C. (b) A.D. (c) still waiting
*You must answer at least three questions correctly to qualify*
:thumbup:
Srdr: I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
Friend: Y ?
Srdr: Got upper berth.
Frnd: Y did'nt u Xchnged?
Srdr: oye, there was no body 2 Xchng in the lower berth.
Bank Robbery
Banta Singh, wanting to rob State Bank of Patiala, walked into the branch
and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your
muny in this bag." on the back of a deposit slip.
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began
to worry that some-one had seen him write
the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window.
So he left the bank and crossed the street to State Bank of India. After
waiting a few minutes in line, he handed
his note to the SBI teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling
errors that he was not the brightest light
in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because
it was written on a State Bank of Patiala
deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a State Bank of
India deposit slip or go back to State Bank of
Patiala.
Looking somewhat defeated, Banta said "OK" and left. The SBI teller then
called the police who arrested the man a
few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at State Bank of Patiala.
Sardar's Y2K solution
Report submitted by Banta Singh to his manager after completing his Y2K
verification task.
Dear Sir, Our staff has completed the 18 months of work on time (http://www.php.net/time) and onbudget. We have gone through every line of codein every program in every system (http://www.php.net/system). We have analyzed all databases, all datafiles, including backups and historicarchives, and modified all data to reflect the change. We are proud toreport that we have completed the "Y-to-K"date (http://www.php.net/date) change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programsand all data to reflect your new standards:Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk,August, September, October, November, December As well as: Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak Thursdak, Fridak, Saturdak. I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest, none ofthis Y to K problem has made any sense tome. But I understand it is a global (http://www.php.net/global) problem, and our team is glad to helpin any way possible. And what does the year2000 have to do with it? Speaking of which, what do you think we ought todo next (http://www.php.net/next) year when the two digit year rollsover from 99 to 00?We'll await your direction." Very SincerelyBanta SinghY2K Project Leader.
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush is over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Bannta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Are Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin' on? Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ? Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a driver."
:lol:
Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University
final examination. He takes his seat in the examination
hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and
then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and
throws them out of the window. He then removes his
turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and
watch follow suit. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what
is going on.
Oye, I am only following the instructions
- 'Answer in brief'.
:tongue_smilie:
A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it
home somewhere in Rajasthan,but two days later disconnected it
because he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke
bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai" (Idiot! He's taking the phone and
saying he's not there.)
:blink:
Sardar tells a girl "Come 2 my house at nite, nobody will b
there............. Girl goes at night & realy nobody was there.
Punjab Engineering & Medical Entrance Exam
Time Limit: 3 Weeks
1. What language is spoken in Tamil Nadu ?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
(a) build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army or
(d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope?
(a) Jewish
(b) Catholic
(c) Hindu
(d) Polish
(e) Agnostic (check only one)
5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and
the little hand is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately) 8.
What are people in India's far north called?
(a) Westerners
(b) Southerners
(c) Northerners
9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton
10. Six kings of India have been called Akbar , the last one
being
Akbar the Sixth. Name the previous five.
11. Where does rain come from?
(a) Macy's
(b) a 7-11
(c) Canada
(d) the sky
12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
(a) yes
(b) no
13. What are coat hangers used for?
14. The "Jana Gana Mana " is the National Anthem for what
country?
15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium
-OR-spell
your name in BLOCK LETTERS.
16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?
17. Which part of India produces the most oranges?
(a) Gujarat
(b) Russia
(c) Canada
(d) Pakistan
18. Advanced math. If you have three apples how many apples do
you have?
19. What does AIR (All India Radio) stand for?
20. The University of Chandigarh tradition for efficiency began
when
(approximately)? (a) B.C. (b) A.D. (c) still waiting
*You must answer at least three questions correctly to qualify*
:thumbup:
Srdr: I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
Friend: Y ?
Srdr: Got upper berth.
Frnd: Y did'nt u Xchnged?
Srdr: oye, there was no body 2 Xchng in the lower berth.
Bank Robbery
Banta Singh, wanting to rob State Bank of Patiala, walked into the branch
and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your
muny in this bag." on the back of a deposit slip.
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began
to worry that some-one had seen him write
the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window.
So he left the bank and crossed the street to State Bank of India. After
waiting a few minutes in line, he handed
his note to the SBI teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling
errors that he was not the brightest light
in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because
it was written on a State Bank of Patiala
deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a State Bank of
India deposit slip or go back to State Bank of
Patiala.
Looking somewhat defeated, Banta said "OK" and left. The SBI teller then
called the police who arrested the man a
few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at State Bank of Patiala.
Sardar's Y2K solution
Report submitted by Banta Singh to his manager after completing his Y2K
verification task.
Dear Sir, Our staff has completed the 18 months of work on time (http://www.php.net/time) and onbudget. We have gone through every line of codein every program in every system (http://www.php.net/system). We have analyzed all databases, all datafiles, including backups and historicarchives, and modified all data to reflect the change. We are proud toreport that we have completed the "Y-to-K"date (http://www.php.net/date) change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programsand all data to reflect your new standards:Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk,August, September, October, November, December As well as: Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak Thursdak, Fridak, Saturdak. I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest, none ofthis Y to K problem has made any sense tome. But I understand it is a global (http://www.php.net/global) problem, and our team is glad to helpin any way possible. And what does the year2000 have to do with it? Speaking of which, what do you think we ought todo next (http://www.php.net/next) year when the two digit year rollsover from 99 to 00?We'll await your direction." Very SincerelyBanta SinghY2K Project Leader.