dengu
23rd January 2009, 02:33 PM
The Greatest Collection of Cricket Sledges by Legends of Cricket
THE ASHES 2005.......
Are you Bangladesh in disguise?
Barmy Army
He's fat, he's round, he bounces on the ground, Shane Warne, Shane Warne.
Barmy Army
Get your sh*t stars off our flag.
Barmy Army
You're only good at swimming.
Barmy Army, The Oval, 2005
Daft cricket. They slog your good balls and get out to your bad ones.
Matthew Hoggard
That Glenn McGrath ... what a ba$tard.
Mick Jagger
Jason Gillespie is a 30-year-old in a 36-year-old body.
Bob Willis
I smiled at Ricky Ponting. He didn't smile back. He was in a terrible temper for
some reason. Quite why he was blaming me when his partner, Damien Martyn, had called him for a suicidal single to cover, I don't know. You know what's more? All the palaver caused me to burn my toast.
Duncan Fletcher on the fallout from the infamous Gary Pratt run out
The number of fumbles, misfields and grabs at thin air brought to mind some
England performances of the past ... a team full of dobbers and crap fielders?
It has been said about every England touring team to Australia in the past 15
years. It's nice to be able to return the compliment.
Michael Atherton
Ricky Ponting continues to believe that the lbw law simply doesn't exist. And
Andrew Symonds has to work out how to get his hip flask onto the field without the Sky cameras noticing.
Dan Nicoll
The kindest thing you can say about their performance is that it was shoddy but you can think of many stronger words to use.
Richie Benaud
ENGLAND vs. AUSTRALIA
Mark Waugh : F**k me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to play for England.
James Ormond : Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family.
Don't bother shutting it, son, you won't be there long enough.
Fred Truman to incoming Aussie batsman as he opened the gate on his way out to the middle at Lord's
Tap that one down you little b*stard.
Tony Lock bowls a bouncer at Richie Benaud following a prolonged spell of
gardening
Take a good look at this arse of mine, you'll see plenty of it this summer.
David Steele to Rodney Marsh
You are a damned lot of sneaks.
WG Grace to Midwinter, The Oval, 1877
They are capital winners out here, but I'm afraid the same adjective cannot be applied to them as losers.
Lord Harris, on tour in Australia in 1879
The aim of English cricket is, in fact, mainly to beat Australia.
Jim Laker
The Australian temper is at bottom grim. It is as though the sun has dried up
his nature
Sir Neville Cardus
I know plenty of professionals whom I would delight to have as guests in my
home, but I'm afraid I cannot say the same thing about most Australians I have met.
AW Carr
The traditional dress of the Australian cricketer is the baggy green cap on the head and the chip on the shoulder. Both are ritualistically assumed.
Simon Barnes writing for The Times
Aussies are big and empty, just like their country.
Ian Botham
All you Aussies are a bunch of hicks who don't know the first thing about
cricket.
Ian Botham
If you're playing against the Australians you dont walk.
Ian Botham
Chappell was a coward. He needed a crowd around him before he would say
anything. He was sour like milk that had been sitting in the sun for a week.
Ian Botham
Playing against a team with Ian Chappell as a captain turns cricket match into gang warfare.
Mike Brearley
As harrowing occupations go, there can't be much to choose between the
Australian cricket captaincy and social work on Skid Row.
Doug Ibbotson
A cricket tour in Australia would be the most delightful period in one's life,
if one was deaf.
Harold Larwood
Well bowled Harold!
Douglas Jardine after Larwood fells Woodfull with a ball in the chest
All Australians are an uneducated and unruly mob.
Douglas Jardine. Comment made to Australian wicket keeper Stork Hendry during
the infamous 1932-1933 Bodyline series.
If we don't beat you we'll knock your bloody heads off.
Bill Voce
Are you aware, sir, that the last time I saw anything like that on a top lip,
the whole herd had to be destroyed?
Eric Morecambe to Dennis Lillee
The mincing run-up resembles someone in high heels and a panty girdle chasing after a bus.
Martin Johnson on Merv Hughes
The Aussies try to present a tough guy image, but this present generation are a bunch of cissies.
Tony Grieg
The only one who really got up my nose was Steve Waugh who spent the entire series giving out verbals. A bit of a joke really when he was the one bloke wetting himself against the quick bowlers.
Michael Atherton
If they stop throwing, cricket in Australia will die.
Tommy Andrews
Merv is a funny guy, though he would sledge his own mother if he thought it
would help the cause.
Gladstone Small
Shane Warne is thicker than a complete set of Wisden yearbooks.
Matt Price
I have on occasion taken a quite reasonable dislike to the Australians.
Ted Dexter
REST OF THE WORLD vs. AUSTRALIA
The only time an Australian ever walks is when his car runs out of petrol.
Barry Richards, 1980
Are you going to get out or do I have to come round the wicket and kill you?
Malcolm Marshall to David Boon
You convicts are all the same.
Malcolm Marshall to Steve Waugh after he refused to walk
Go and deflate yourself, you balloon.
Daryll Cullinan to Shane Warne
Shane Warne : I've waited two years for another chance to humiliate you.
Daryll Cullinan : Looks like you spent it eating.
THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK
Hell, Gatt, move out of the way, I can't see the stumps.
Dennis Lillee
What do you think this is, a f***ing tea party? No you can't have a f***ing
glass of water. You can f***ing wait like all the rest of us.
Allan Border to Robin Smith
Mate, if you turn the bat over, you'll see the instructions on the back!
Merv Hughes to Robin Smith
Merv Hughes : You can't f**king bat.
Robin Smith : Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't f**king bat and you can't f**king bowl.
Tufnell! Can I borrow your brain? I'm building an idiot.
Voice from the crowd, Newcastle Test
You've got to bat on this in a minute, Tufnell. Hospital food suit you?
Craig McDermott to Phil Tufnell
Bowl the ******* a grand Piano and see if he can play that instead!
Yabba
Don't swat those flies, Jardine, they're the only friends here you've got!
Yabba
Don't give the ******* a drink. Let him die of thirst.
Voice from the crowd while Jardine was batting during the Bodyline series
The sound of the ball hitting the batsman's skull was music to my ears.
Thomson
The other advantage England have got when Phil Tufnell is bowling is that he
isn't fielding.
Ian Chappell
some more..... :D
David Gower : Do you want Gatt a foot wider?
Chris Cowdrey : No. He'd burst.
How anyone can spin a ball the width of Gatting boggles the mind.
Martin Johnson on Shane Warne's ball of the century
If it had been a cheese roll, it would never have got past him.
Graham Gooch
A fart competing with thunder.
Graham Gooch on England's chances in Australia in 1990-91
England have only three major problems. They can't bat, they can't bowl and they can't field.
Martin Johnson
I'm completely different from Pietersen. He would turn up to the opening of an envelope.
Andrew Flintoff
Shane Warne's idea of a balanced diet is a cheeseburger in each hand.
Ian Healy, 1996
It was a mixture of bad bowling, good shots and arse.
Jason Gillespie, describing his own Ashes performance
Q: What's your favourite animal?
Steve Waugh: Merv Hughes.
In my day 58 beers between London and Sydney would have virtually classified you as a teetotaller.
Ian Chappell on hearing David Boon had downed 58 beers on the flight to England in 1989. Boon claimed he was afraid of flying.:getdrunk:
Damien Martyn has batted handily in his unobtrusive way but fielded like a
pensioner. Langer has his limitations. Without Clarke, this side has more
carthorses than a Victorian mail coach. Suddenly this team is looking its age.
Sometimes, when the end comes, it is quick.
Peter Roebuck
When Justin Langer finds his off stump akimbo he leaves the crease only after
asking the met office whether any earthquakes have been recorded in the region.
In any case, he never edges the ball. It's just that his bat handle keeps
breaking.
Peter Roebuck
Border is a walnut: hard to crack and without much to please the eye.
Peter Roebuck
An ordinary bloke trying to make good without ever losing the air of a fellow
with a hangover.
Peter Roebuck on Merv Hughes
Rod Marsh & Ian
Botham: When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh
welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So
how's your wife & my kids?"
Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne: As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket,
Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance
to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan
retorted.
Glenn McGrath (bowling to portly Zimbabwean chicken farmer Eddo Brandes):
"Hey Eddo, why are you so F**ing Fat?" Eddo Brandes: "Because
everytime I F*** your mother, she gives me a biscuit"
Robin Smith & Merv Hughes during 1989 Lords Test Hughes said to Smith
after he played& missed:"You can't f**king bat". Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to theboundary: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't f**king bat & you can't f**king bowl."
Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad during 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called
Merv a fat bus conductor. A few balls later Merv dismissed
Javed: "Tickets please", Merv called out as he ran past
the departing batsman.
Merv Hughes & Viv Richards during a test match in the West Indies,
Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare
at him after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture.
Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl."
Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced
to the batsman: "In my culture we just say f**k *ff."
Ian Healy his legendary comment which was picked up by the Channel
9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner
on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney...
"You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit,
fat ****!!!"
James Ormond had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and was greeted
by Mark Waugh....... MW : "F*ck me, look who it is. Mate,
what are you doing out here, there's no way you're good
enough to play for England" JO : "Maybe not, but at least
i'm the best player in my family"
McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan: "So what does Brian Lara's d*ck taste like?"
Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife." McGrath (losing it):
"If you ever effing mention my wife again, I'll F*ing rip
your F*fing throat out."
Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Adam Parore) comes
to the crease playing & missing the first ball. Mark - "Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were shit then you're fu*king useless now". Parore- (Turning around) "Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly sl*t & now I hear you've married her. You dumb c*nt".
Yet another Australian witticism with this time porky Sri Lankan batsman
Arjuna Ranatunga the victim. Shane Warne, trying to tempt the batsman out of his crease mused what it took to get the plump character to get out of his crease and drive. Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up, "Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it."
Ravi Shastri v/s the aussie 12th man .Shastri hits it to this guy and looks for a single...this guy gets the ball in and says "if you leave the crease i'll break your f***ing head" Shastri: "if you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn't be the f***ing 12th man"
Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played and missed a couple of times. Marshall : "Now David, Are you going to get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?"
Fred Trueman.
The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip,and right
between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a word.
At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises
sheepishly. "I should've kept my legs together, Fred". "So
should your mother" he replied.
Some Best Cricket Sledges
The Prasad Vs Sohail Incident : Hero to Zero in 3 easy steps
Chasing india's score of 287-8, pakistan got off to a flyer of a start, Amir
Sohail and Saeed Anwar went about tearing the Indian bowling attack. Pakistan
looked all set to win as they reached 110 odd for the loss of just 1 wicket
within the 15 overs.
1. Play a Great Shot: Amir Sohail was completely bent on demolishing the Indian
bowling to pieces, charging down the track to the faster bowlers (if u can call
Prasad that) in this particular case he came down the ground (a good 4-5 steps,
anymore and he would have hit Prasad too) and slashed the bowl over vacant off
side area... the ball disappeared into the fence in a flash ... what followed
has since been etched in the memories of every cricket fan in the subcontinent.
2. Act Oversmart: Amir Sohail is no Miandad. But he tries to be,and fails
miserably. Sohail after hitting the shot pointed his bat the area where the bowl
had disappeared and then towards Prasad apparently gesturing where he will send
the next one .
Its not everyday that you see a batsman sledging the bowler, and Sohail was
about to learn just why.
3. Get what you called for: Sohail attempting to repeat the shot (albeit with
his feet stuck to the ground this time) made room and exposed his stumps, and
his weakness, and in return lost his wicket and his face.
As the wicket lay uprooted, Prasad returned the favour to Sohail, pointing to
the pavilion this time.
The comeback was truly remarkable, almost a miracle .... Prasad has bowled
thousands of deliveries and taken hundereds of wickets in his career but, it was
this one granted him a place in the History of Indian Cricket .. for ever... the
ghost of Miandad's last ball six was exorcised, once and for all.
Steve Waugh Vs Curtly Ambrose Episode.
It really does not get any bigger than this, the two legends of cricket came
face to face, literally and engrossed in a verbal duel in a test match in
trinidad. All the juicy details were not to be known until Steve Waugh came out
with his autobiography.
Ambrose repeatedly stared Waugh down during a searing spell, and Waugh, who sized up the towering Ambrose, said: " What the f*ck are you looking at? "Ambrose was stunned because, as Waugh says (in his Autobiography), "no one had ever been stupid enough" to speak to him like that.Ambrose replied, "Don't cuss me, man", before Waugh's response, which had nothing to do with bowling."Unfortunately, nothing inventive or witty came to mind, rather another piece of personal abuse: 'Why don't you go and get f*cked.' "
The Windies skipper Richie Richardson had a hard time keeping Ambrose from hurting the Aussie.:D
McGrath Vs Brandes(the Best one till now)
In a showdown of best pacers of two countries, Brandes made up for his complete absence of batting skills by some displaying some great sense of humor and presence of mind.
Aussie paceman Glenn McGrath was bowling to Zimbabwe number 11 Eddo Brandes - who was unable to get his bat anywhere near the ball. McGrath, frustrated that Brandes was still at the crease, wandered up during one particular over and inquired: " Why are you so fat?"
Quick as a flash, Brandes replied: "Because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit ."Even the Aussie slip fielders were in hysterics:w00t:
Viv Richards v Greg Thomas
This incident took place during a county championship match between Glamorgan and Somerset.Glamorgan quickie Greg Thomas had beaten Viv Richards' bat a couple of times and informed the legendary West Indian ace: " It's red, round and weighs about five ounces, in case you were wondering."
The very next ball was given the King Viv treament and smashed out of the
ground, into a river - at which point Richards piped up: " Greg, you know what it looks like. Now go and find it."
Sachin Tendulkar Vs Abdul Qadir=MY personal best:award:
The year was 1989, the little master had recently made his debut in Pakistan.
Sachin not even old enough to get a driving licence Sachin Tendulkar was facing the best bowlers in the business. As the Pakistani crows jeered and mocked Sachin holding out the placards saying "" Dudh Pita Bhachcha ..ghar jaake dhoodh pee", (hey kid, go home and drink milk), Sachin sent the then young leg spinner Mustaq Ahmed hiding for cover (he had hit two sixes in one over. The frustaded mentor of Mustaq Ahmed the legendary Abdul Qadir challenges Sachin saying " Bachchon ko kyon mar rahe ho? Hamein bhi maar dikhao ` (`Why are you hitting kids? Try and hit me.`).
Sachin was silent, since then we all have come to know that he lets his bat do the talking. Abdul Quadir had made a simple request and Sachin obliged, and how. Sachin hit 4 sixes in the over, making the spinner look the kid in the contest.
The over read 6, 0, 4, 6 6 6, David had felled Goliath ... and a legend was born.:001_rolleyes:
McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan:
Sarwan, the westindies vice-captain, and McGrath went toe-to-toe in an ugly shouting match in Antigua in May 2003, The incident was sparked after Sarwan, on his way to a match-winning second-innings century, reportedly reacted to lurid taunts from McGrath by telling him he should get the answers from his wife, who was recovering from radiation therapy for secondary cancer.
The details :
McGrath: "So what does Brian Lara's d*ck taste like?"
Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife. "
McGrath (losing it): "If you ever F*&king mention my wife again, I'll F*cking rip your F*fing throat out."
Merv Hughes Vs Cronje
Merv Hughes was one of the greatest exponents of the fine "art" of sledging.
Once during a tour game in South Africa Hughes was bowling to Hansie Cronje . It was an especially flat wicket and Cronje was hitting Hughes for fours and sixes all over the place.After the umpteenth boundary, Hughes headed down the pitch, stood near Cronje, let out a fart and said: "Try hitting that for six." It was five minutes before the guffawing stopped and play could resume.
Miandad Vs Lillee: The 'brats' clash:
Miandad played Lillee to s quare leg and completed an easy run, with a collision taking place in the center. According to Miandad, Lillee had tried to block him in the path. After a verbal exchange, Lillee went ahead and kicked Miandad on his pads. Miandad, started charging towards Lillee with his bat lifted high above the head, as if to hit him. The umpire's intervention prevented what could have turned out to be a real assault had Miandad gone head with his plans. However, the picture of Miandad hurling his bat at Lillee made the whole incident look even worse, and was promptly declared as the most indignified incident in the history of Cricket.
Lillee's version, to this day, had Miandad first hitting him with the bat, and
then swearing at him. He maintained that there was no contact from his side
throughout the incident.
The Frog Jumping incident, 1992 India Vs Pakistan:
India vs Pakistan matches are always a treat to watch, and if its the World Cup its stakes are even greater. Javed Miandad, the Bu.nd boy of cricket, at the receiving end for once. Miffed by the verbals from Kiran More, he complains " Insaan khel rahe hain janwaar nahin" (Human beings are playing not animals). And after a sharp run out chance, where Miandad closely survives Miandad starts jumping up and down, face distorted imitating Kiran More's appealing. A sight to behold. Pure comedy. Pakistan loses the match but go on to win the cup.'I did it instinctively', Miandad later told. He added, 'Hey, is this the way you appeal for everything? Don't appeal like that '.
Dropped the Cup?
Perhaps the most famous sledge in a World Cup match took place the epic Super Six clash between Australiaand South Africa (in 2003)
Detail....
South Africa looked on course to a routine victory with Australian captain Steve Waugh at the crease and on 56. At that stage, Waugh clipped the ball in the air straight to South African fielder Herschelle Gibbs. In his haste, Gibbs dropped the ball when attempting to throw it in the air in celebration as he had not fully controlled it. As he passed him, Waugh is said to have asked Gibbs: " How does it feel to have dropped the World Cup?". Waugh carried on to make an unbeaten 120 and Australia posted an unlikely win and won the World Cup a few days later.Waugh has however denied that quote, instead claiming that he said " looks like you've dropped the match".
Dennis Lillee Vs Sunil Gavaskar
Detail....
Dennis Lillee and Sunil Gavaskar, were involved in a war of words in the 3rd
Test, MCG, February 1981. A historic win for India in that Test would definitely not have taken place had Sunil Gavaskar not calmed down. He clashed with Australian fast bowler Dennis Lillee, who Gavaskar claims abused him after claiming his wicket and the Indian captain asked non-striker Chetan Chauhan to walk off the field, forfeiting the match. Gavaskar was batting on 70 when Lillee appealed for a leg before decision. Gavaskar showed his bat to the umpire, indicating he had 'nicked' the ball before it hit his pads. Angry words were exchanged between the batsman and the bowler, and Lillee even went to the extent of pointing to the batsman the spot where the ball had his pads. The decision went in favour of the bowler and as Gavaskar started his long, dejected walk back to the pavilion, Lillee turned around and abused him. That was it. Gavaskar snapped, and decided to forfeit the match.
Later, Gavaskar was to write in his book 'Idols': "That (the walkout) was the
most regrettable incidents of my life. Whatever may be the provocation and
whatever the reason, there was no justification for my action and I realize now that I did not behave the way a captain and sportsman should ."
THE ASHES 2005.......
Are you Bangladesh in disguise?
Barmy Army
He's fat, he's round, he bounces on the ground, Shane Warne, Shane Warne.
Barmy Army
Get your sh*t stars off our flag.
Barmy Army
You're only good at swimming.
Barmy Army, The Oval, 2005
Daft cricket. They slog your good balls and get out to your bad ones.
Matthew Hoggard
That Glenn McGrath ... what a ba$tard.
Mick Jagger
Jason Gillespie is a 30-year-old in a 36-year-old body.
Bob Willis
I smiled at Ricky Ponting. He didn't smile back. He was in a terrible temper for
some reason. Quite why he was blaming me when his partner, Damien Martyn, had called him for a suicidal single to cover, I don't know. You know what's more? All the palaver caused me to burn my toast.
Duncan Fletcher on the fallout from the infamous Gary Pratt run out
The number of fumbles, misfields and grabs at thin air brought to mind some
England performances of the past ... a team full of dobbers and crap fielders?
It has been said about every England touring team to Australia in the past 15
years. It's nice to be able to return the compliment.
Michael Atherton
Ricky Ponting continues to believe that the lbw law simply doesn't exist. And
Andrew Symonds has to work out how to get his hip flask onto the field without the Sky cameras noticing.
Dan Nicoll
The kindest thing you can say about their performance is that it was shoddy but you can think of many stronger words to use.
Richie Benaud
ENGLAND vs. AUSTRALIA
Mark Waugh : F**k me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to play for England.
James Ormond : Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family.
Don't bother shutting it, son, you won't be there long enough.
Fred Truman to incoming Aussie batsman as he opened the gate on his way out to the middle at Lord's
Tap that one down you little b*stard.
Tony Lock bowls a bouncer at Richie Benaud following a prolonged spell of
gardening
Take a good look at this arse of mine, you'll see plenty of it this summer.
David Steele to Rodney Marsh
You are a damned lot of sneaks.
WG Grace to Midwinter, The Oval, 1877
They are capital winners out here, but I'm afraid the same adjective cannot be applied to them as losers.
Lord Harris, on tour in Australia in 1879
The aim of English cricket is, in fact, mainly to beat Australia.
Jim Laker
The Australian temper is at bottom grim. It is as though the sun has dried up
his nature
Sir Neville Cardus
I know plenty of professionals whom I would delight to have as guests in my
home, but I'm afraid I cannot say the same thing about most Australians I have met.
AW Carr
The traditional dress of the Australian cricketer is the baggy green cap on the head and the chip on the shoulder. Both are ritualistically assumed.
Simon Barnes writing for The Times
Aussies are big and empty, just like their country.
Ian Botham
All you Aussies are a bunch of hicks who don't know the first thing about
cricket.
Ian Botham
If you're playing against the Australians you dont walk.
Ian Botham
Chappell was a coward. He needed a crowd around him before he would say
anything. He was sour like milk that had been sitting in the sun for a week.
Ian Botham
Playing against a team with Ian Chappell as a captain turns cricket match into gang warfare.
Mike Brearley
As harrowing occupations go, there can't be much to choose between the
Australian cricket captaincy and social work on Skid Row.
Doug Ibbotson
A cricket tour in Australia would be the most delightful period in one's life,
if one was deaf.
Harold Larwood
Well bowled Harold!
Douglas Jardine after Larwood fells Woodfull with a ball in the chest
All Australians are an uneducated and unruly mob.
Douglas Jardine. Comment made to Australian wicket keeper Stork Hendry during
the infamous 1932-1933 Bodyline series.
If we don't beat you we'll knock your bloody heads off.
Bill Voce
Are you aware, sir, that the last time I saw anything like that on a top lip,
the whole herd had to be destroyed?
Eric Morecambe to Dennis Lillee
The mincing run-up resembles someone in high heels and a panty girdle chasing after a bus.
Martin Johnson on Merv Hughes
The Aussies try to present a tough guy image, but this present generation are a bunch of cissies.
Tony Grieg
The only one who really got up my nose was Steve Waugh who spent the entire series giving out verbals. A bit of a joke really when he was the one bloke wetting himself against the quick bowlers.
Michael Atherton
If they stop throwing, cricket in Australia will die.
Tommy Andrews
Merv is a funny guy, though he would sledge his own mother if he thought it
would help the cause.
Gladstone Small
Shane Warne is thicker than a complete set of Wisden yearbooks.
Matt Price
I have on occasion taken a quite reasonable dislike to the Australians.
Ted Dexter
REST OF THE WORLD vs. AUSTRALIA
The only time an Australian ever walks is when his car runs out of petrol.
Barry Richards, 1980
Are you going to get out or do I have to come round the wicket and kill you?
Malcolm Marshall to David Boon
You convicts are all the same.
Malcolm Marshall to Steve Waugh after he refused to walk
Go and deflate yourself, you balloon.
Daryll Cullinan to Shane Warne
Shane Warne : I've waited two years for another chance to humiliate you.
Daryll Cullinan : Looks like you spent it eating.
THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK
Hell, Gatt, move out of the way, I can't see the stumps.
Dennis Lillee
What do you think this is, a f***ing tea party? No you can't have a f***ing
glass of water. You can f***ing wait like all the rest of us.
Allan Border to Robin Smith
Mate, if you turn the bat over, you'll see the instructions on the back!
Merv Hughes to Robin Smith
Merv Hughes : You can't f**king bat.
Robin Smith : Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't f**king bat and you can't f**king bowl.
Tufnell! Can I borrow your brain? I'm building an idiot.
Voice from the crowd, Newcastle Test
You've got to bat on this in a minute, Tufnell. Hospital food suit you?
Craig McDermott to Phil Tufnell
Bowl the ******* a grand Piano and see if he can play that instead!
Yabba
Don't swat those flies, Jardine, they're the only friends here you've got!
Yabba
Don't give the ******* a drink. Let him die of thirst.
Voice from the crowd while Jardine was batting during the Bodyline series
The sound of the ball hitting the batsman's skull was music to my ears.
Thomson
The other advantage England have got when Phil Tufnell is bowling is that he
isn't fielding.
Ian Chappell
some more..... :D
David Gower : Do you want Gatt a foot wider?
Chris Cowdrey : No. He'd burst.
How anyone can spin a ball the width of Gatting boggles the mind.
Martin Johnson on Shane Warne's ball of the century
If it had been a cheese roll, it would never have got past him.
Graham Gooch
A fart competing with thunder.
Graham Gooch on England's chances in Australia in 1990-91
England have only three major problems. They can't bat, they can't bowl and they can't field.
Martin Johnson
I'm completely different from Pietersen. He would turn up to the opening of an envelope.
Andrew Flintoff
Shane Warne's idea of a balanced diet is a cheeseburger in each hand.
Ian Healy, 1996
It was a mixture of bad bowling, good shots and arse.
Jason Gillespie, describing his own Ashes performance
Q: What's your favourite animal?
Steve Waugh: Merv Hughes.
In my day 58 beers between London and Sydney would have virtually classified you as a teetotaller.
Ian Chappell on hearing David Boon had downed 58 beers on the flight to England in 1989. Boon claimed he was afraid of flying.:getdrunk:
Damien Martyn has batted handily in his unobtrusive way but fielded like a
pensioner. Langer has his limitations. Without Clarke, this side has more
carthorses than a Victorian mail coach. Suddenly this team is looking its age.
Sometimes, when the end comes, it is quick.
Peter Roebuck
When Justin Langer finds his off stump akimbo he leaves the crease only after
asking the met office whether any earthquakes have been recorded in the region.
In any case, he never edges the ball. It's just that his bat handle keeps
breaking.
Peter Roebuck
Border is a walnut: hard to crack and without much to please the eye.
Peter Roebuck
An ordinary bloke trying to make good without ever losing the air of a fellow
with a hangover.
Peter Roebuck on Merv Hughes
Rod Marsh & Ian
Botham: When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh
welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So
how's your wife & my kids?"
Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne: As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket,
Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance
to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan
retorted.
Glenn McGrath (bowling to portly Zimbabwean chicken farmer Eddo Brandes):
"Hey Eddo, why are you so F**ing Fat?" Eddo Brandes: "Because
everytime I F*** your mother, she gives me a biscuit"
Robin Smith & Merv Hughes during 1989 Lords Test Hughes said to Smith
after he played& missed:"You can't f**king bat". Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to theboundary: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't f**king bat & you can't f**king bowl."
Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad during 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called
Merv a fat bus conductor. A few balls later Merv dismissed
Javed: "Tickets please", Merv called out as he ran past
the departing batsman.
Merv Hughes & Viv Richards during a test match in the West Indies,
Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare
at him after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture.
Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl."
Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced
to the batsman: "In my culture we just say f**k *ff."
Ian Healy his legendary comment which was picked up by the Channel
9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner
on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney...
"You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit,
fat ****!!!"
James Ormond had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and was greeted
by Mark Waugh....... MW : "F*ck me, look who it is. Mate,
what are you doing out here, there's no way you're good
enough to play for England" JO : "Maybe not, but at least
i'm the best player in my family"
McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan: "So what does Brian Lara's d*ck taste like?"
Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife." McGrath (losing it):
"If you ever effing mention my wife again, I'll F*ing rip
your F*fing throat out."
Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Adam Parore) comes
to the crease playing & missing the first ball. Mark - "Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were shit then you're fu*king useless now". Parore- (Turning around) "Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly sl*t & now I hear you've married her. You dumb c*nt".
Yet another Australian witticism with this time porky Sri Lankan batsman
Arjuna Ranatunga the victim. Shane Warne, trying to tempt the batsman out of his crease mused what it took to get the plump character to get out of his crease and drive. Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up, "Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it."
Ravi Shastri v/s the aussie 12th man .Shastri hits it to this guy and looks for a single...this guy gets the ball in and says "if you leave the crease i'll break your f***ing head" Shastri: "if you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn't be the f***ing 12th man"
Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played and missed a couple of times. Marshall : "Now David, Are you going to get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?"
Fred Trueman.
The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip,and right
between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a word.
At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises
sheepishly. "I should've kept my legs together, Fred". "So
should your mother" he replied.
Some Best Cricket Sledges
The Prasad Vs Sohail Incident : Hero to Zero in 3 easy steps
Chasing india's score of 287-8, pakistan got off to a flyer of a start, Amir
Sohail and Saeed Anwar went about tearing the Indian bowling attack. Pakistan
looked all set to win as they reached 110 odd for the loss of just 1 wicket
within the 15 overs.
1. Play a Great Shot: Amir Sohail was completely bent on demolishing the Indian
bowling to pieces, charging down the track to the faster bowlers (if u can call
Prasad that) in this particular case he came down the ground (a good 4-5 steps,
anymore and he would have hit Prasad too) and slashed the bowl over vacant off
side area... the ball disappeared into the fence in a flash ... what followed
has since been etched in the memories of every cricket fan in the subcontinent.
2. Act Oversmart: Amir Sohail is no Miandad. But he tries to be,and fails
miserably. Sohail after hitting the shot pointed his bat the area where the bowl
had disappeared and then towards Prasad apparently gesturing where he will send
the next one .
Its not everyday that you see a batsman sledging the bowler, and Sohail was
about to learn just why.
3. Get what you called for: Sohail attempting to repeat the shot (albeit with
his feet stuck to the ground this time) made room and exposed his stumps, and
his weakness, and in return lost his wicket and his face.
As the wicket lay uprooted, Prasad returned the favour to Sohail, pointing to
the pavilion this time.
The comeback was truly remarkable, almost a miracle .... Prasad has bowled
thousands of deliveries and taken hundereds of wickets in his career but, it was
this one granted him a place in the History of Indian Cricket .. for ever... the
ghost of Miandad's last ball six was exorcised, once and for all.
Steve Waugh Vs Curtly Ambrose Episode.
It really does not get any bigger than this, the two legends of cricket came
face to face, literally and engrossed in a verbal duel in a test match in
trinidad. All the juicy details were not to be known until Steve Waugh came out
with his autobiography.
Ambrose repeatedly stared Waugh down during a searing spell, and Waugh, who sized up the towering Ambrose, said: " What the f*ck are you looking at? "Ambrose was stunned because, as Waugh says (in his Autobiography), "no one had ever been stupid enough" to speak to him like that.Ambrose replied, "Don't cuss me, man", before Waugh's response, which had nothing to do with bowling."Unfortunately, nothing inventive or witty came to mind, rather another piece of personal abuse: 'Why don't you go and get f*cked.' "
The Windies skipper Richie Richardson had a hard time keeping Ambrose from hurting the Aussie.:D
McGrath Vs Brandes(the Best one till now)
In a showdown of best pacers of two countries, Brandes made up for his complete absence of batting skills by some displaying some great sense of humor and presence of mind.
Aussie paceman Glenn McGrath was bowling to Zimbabwe number 11 Eddo Brandes - who was unable to get his bat anywhere near the ball. McGrath, frustrated that Brandes was still at the crease, wandered up during one particular over and inquired: " Why are you so fat?"
Quick as a flash, Brandes replied: "Because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit ."Even the Aussie slip fielders were in hysterics:w00t:
Viv Richards v Greg Thomas
This incident took place during a county championship match between Glamorgan and Somerset.Glamorgan quickie Greg Thomas had beaten Viv Richards' bat a couple of times and informed the legendary West Indian ace: " It's red, round and weighs about five ounces, in case you were wondering."
The very next ball was given the King Viv treament and smashed out of the
ground, into a river - at which point Richards piped up: " Greg, you know what it looks like. Now go and find it."
Sachin Tendulkar Vs Abdul Qadir=MY personal best:award:
The year was 1989, the little master had recently made his debut in Pakistan.
Sachin not even old enough to get a driving licence Sachin Tendulkar was facing the best bowlers in the business. As the Pakistani crows jeered and mocked Sachin holding out the placards saying "" Dudh Pita Bhachcha ..ghar jaake dhoodh pee", (hey kid, go home and drink milk), Sachin sent the then young leg spinner Mustaq Ahmed hiding for cover (he had hit two sixes in one over. The frustaded mentor of Mustaq Ahmed the legendary Abdul Qadir challenges Sachin saying " Bachchon ko kyon mar rahe ho? Hamein bhi maar dikhao ` (`Why are you hitting kids? Try and hit me.`).
Sachin was silent, since then we all have come to know that he lets his bat do the talking. Abdul Quadir had made a simple request and Sachin obliged, and how. Sachin hit 4 sixes in the over, making the spinner look the kid in the contest.
The over read 6, 0, 4, 6 6 6, David had felled Goliath ... and a legend was born.:001_rolleyes:
McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan:
Sarwan, the westindies vice-captain, and McGrath went toe-to-toe in an ugly shouting match in Antigua in May 2003, The incident was sparked after Sarwan, on his way to a match-winning second-innings century, reportedly reacted to lurid taunts from McGrath by telling him he should get the answers from his wife, who was recovering from radiation therapy for secondary cancer.
The details :
McGrath: "So what does Brian Lara's d*ck taste like?"
Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife. "
McGrath (losing it): "If you ever F*&king mention my wife again, I'll F*cking rip your F*fing throat out."
Merv Hughes Vs Cronje
Merv Hughes was one of the greatest exponents of the fine "art" of sledging.
Once during a tour game in South Africa Hughes was bowling to Hansie Cronje . It was an especially flat wicket and Cronje was hitting Hughes for fours and sixes all over the place.After the umpteenth boundary, Hughes headed down the pitch, stood near Cronje, let out a fart and said: "Try hitting that for six." It was five minutes before the guffawing stopped and play could resume.
Miandad Vs Lillee: The 'brats' clash:
Miandad played Lillee to s quare leg and completed an easy run, with a collision taking place in the center. According to Miandad, Lillee had tried to block him in the path. After a verbal exchange, Lillee went ahead and kicked Miandad on his pads. Miandad, started charging towards Lillee with his bat lifted high above the head, as if to hit him. The umpire's intervention prevented what could have turned out to be a real assault had Miandad gone head with his plans. However, the picture of Miandad hurling his bat at Lillee made the whole incident look even worse, and was promptly declared as the most indignified incident in the history of Cricket.
Lillee's version, to this day, had Miandad first hitting him with the bat, and
then swearing at him. He maintained that there was no contact from his side
throughout the incident.
The Frog Jumping incident, 1992 India Vs Pakistan:
India vs Pakistan matches are always a treat to watch, and if its the World Cup its stakes are even greater. Javed Miandad, the Bu.nd boy of cricket, at the receiving end for once. Miffed by the verbals from Kiran More, he complains " Insaan khel rahe hain janwaar nahin" (Human beings are playing not animals). And after a sharp run out chance, where Miandad closely survives Miandad starts jumping up and down, face distorted imitating Kiran More's appealing. A sight to behold. Pure comedy. Pakistan loses the match but go on to win the cup.'I did it instinctively', Miandad later told. He added, 'Hey, is this the way you appeal for everything? Don't appeal like that '.
Dropped the Cup?
Perhaps the most famous sledge in a World Cup match took place the epic Super Six clash between Australiaand South Africa (in 2003)
Detail....
South Africa looked on course to a routine victory with Australian captain Steve Waugh at the crease and on 56. At that stage, Waugh clipped the ball in the air straight to South African fielder Herschelle Gibbs. In his haste, Gibbs dropped the ball when attempting to throw it in the air in celebration as he had not fully controlled it. As he passed him, Waugh is said to have asked Gibbs: " How does it feel to have dropped the World Cup?". Waugh carried on to make an unbeaten 120 and Australia posted an unlikely win and won the World Cup a few days later.Waugh has however denied that quote, instead claiming that he said " looks like you've dropped the match".
Dennis Lillee Vs Sunil Gavaskar
Detail....
Dennis Lillee and Sunil Gavaskar, were involved in a war of words in the 3rd
Test, MCG, February 1981. A historic win for India in that Test would definitely not have taken place had Sunil Gavaskar not calmed down. He clashed with Australian fast bowler Dennis Lillee, who Gavaskar claims abused him after claiming his wicket and the Indian captain asked non-striker Chetan Chauhan to walk off the field, forfeiting the match. Gavaskar was batting on 70 when Lillee appealed for a leg before decision. Gavaskar showed his bat to the umpire, indicating he had 'nicked' the ball before it hit his pads. Angry words were exchanged between the batsman and the bowler, and Lillee even went to the extent of pointing to the batsman the spot where the ball had his pads. The decision went in favour of the bowler and as Gavaskar started his long, dejected walk back to the pavilion, Lillee turned around and abused him. That was it. Gavaskar snapped, and decided to forfeit the match.
Later, Gavaskar was to write in his book 'Idols': "That (the walkout) was the
most regrettable incidents of my life. Whatever may be the provocation and
whatever the reason, there was no justification for my action and I realize now that I did not behave the way a captain and sportsman should ."