santa banta special thread.. pls contribute

[leleram]

Banta asked Santa about the number of ways a player can be out in cricket .

Santa replied : 5

1. Bowled out
2. Run out
3. Cought out
4. Not out
5. All out :D

[leleram]

Santa and Preeto in court getting a divorce. The problem was who should get custody of the child.

Preeto jumped up and said: 'Your Honor. I brought the child into the world with pain and labour. She should be in my custody."

The judge turns to Santa and says ' What do you have to say in your defence?

Santa sat for a while contemplating then slowly rose. 'Your Honor. If I put a five rupees in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out.. whose Pepsi is it ...the machine's or mine?

Preeto replied : "Judge sahab...bartan mera...dudh bhi mera...aur usme dahi jamane ke liye 2 boonde daalne se dahi bana toh phir wo dahi kiska..? mera ya do boond dalne vale ka"

Santa replied : "Typewriter mein kagaz maine dala, keys daba-daba kar mehnat maine ki, fir chithi kiski? typewriter ki ya meri? "

Judge (tired after listening to these arguments):..."Santa, agar tu chithi haath se hi likh leta to yahan par custody ki naubat hi na aati"

[leleram]

Banta, who was in a mental hospital was being reviewed for possible release. When asked what he would do if released, he replied, "I am going to make a slingshot and come back here and break every damn window in the place."

Obviously, his release was denied. Six months later, the board was again considering his release and again asked him the same question. His reply was the same.

"I am going to make a sling shot and come back here and break every damn window in the place."

Again, he was turned down. Several months later he was complaining to a fellow patient that he could never seem to get released. The patient asked him what he said when they interviewed him, and Banta told him.

The patient said, "You will never get released with answers like that. You have to tell them what they want to hear. Let me give you some advice on how to answer them when they ask you questions."

So, after considerable coaching, Banta felt that he was ready. So when the board met again, they again asked him what he would do if they let him out. But this time he was ready.

Banta said, "I am going to get a job, find an apartment and settle down."

"Good," they said, and then what?"

He said, "I want to meet a nice girl and start dating."

They agreed he was making real progress and asked, "And then what?"

"One night when we are alone in my apartment, I am going to make passionate love to my girlfriend. I am going to take her dress off, and then take her bra off and lie her down on the bed."

"Yes," they said excitedly.

"Then I am going to gently remove her panties," he continued.

The board members were really getting excited now and asked, "Then what are you going to do?"

He said, " I am going to take the elastic out of those panties, make myself a slingshot, come back here and break every damn window in this place!

[JUNGLEE RAJA]

Santa comes homes early from office, He finds Banta running nude outside his house

Santa : Kyun Bante, Iss tarah nanga, mere ghar ke saamne se kyun bhag raha hai??

Banta : Kyun ki aaj tu office se jaldi ghar aa gaya

[leleram]

kya baat hai junglee bhai,


ye lo ek aur aaya.............


Santa Singh was travelling in a crowded bus. He was carrying the passport size photograph of his son (for college admission). Accidently,the photograph fell down from his pocket.

When Santa tried to pick it up the photograph slipped under a woman's saree. He asked her "Can you lift that saree? I wanna take a photograph"

The rest is history......... :o

[JUNGLEE RAJA]

Good ones Lele, keep it up:thumbup:

[leleram]

history ke aage ki kahani.....
He was beaten so badly that he had to be admitted to hospital.

He was surprised to see Banta Singh on the bed next to him,in a worse condition. Banta explained what happened to him He had gone to a remote village to work. He finished late and missed the last bus. He couldn't find any hotel.

So he approached a nearby house and asked the Owner whether he can stay there for the night.The Owner replied"I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry,I can't allow you to stay".

He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the night.The Owner replied,"I have 3 grown up daughters.Sorry,I can't allow you to stay".

He went to the next house and asked:" Do you have "grown up" Daughters?".

The Owner asked,"Yes....Why do you ask?????????"

Banta replied," I wanted to stay here for a night....."

The rest is history........... :o

[leleram]

Santa,who had never been anywhere outside his village in his native Punjab, migrates to England thru a seedy 'Travel Agent'.The local rep. of the agent whisks him off to a run down 'hotel' while his colleagues try to 'fix him up'.
Santa, who had never seen a commode, and didn't know English,was miserable,and 'desperate'.
So,when he can't bear it any longer,he does it in a handkerchief.But he still had to dispose it!Luckily there's an open plot across the street,so he decided to fling 'it' across.So he swung the handki like a sling(like they did on the farm),but to his horror,the 'semi solid' slipped out of the handki and landed all over the ceiling while the handki sailed across!
So he called the 'manager' who happens to be Banta, and offered him 50 pounds to 'clean up the mess'.
Banta takes one look at the 'mess' and says"tell you what; I'll give you 100 pounds if you tell me HOW you did it!".

[JUNGLEE RAJA]

Santa went to see a gal for marriage.
Their families decided to leave them for some talk.
After some time, Santa asks: Behenji, tusin kinne behen-bhai ho?
Girl: Vaise taan 3 si, par hun 4 ho ga

[leleram]

Santa singh raat ko jara jyada tharak jaate hain aur jaldbajee me biwi ke suit ko jor se kheenchte hain...salwar suit fat jatee hai. Agle din biwi kahtee hai is suit ke matching ka dhaga le ke aao, silai karnee hai.
Santa Salwar suit ke dukaan me pahunchte hain.
Dukaandaar tutlata tha.
Dukandaar- "Boliye Tardar Di tya dithaun?"
Santa-"Meri biwi ka suit fat gaya hai silai karnee hai..!"
Dukaandaar- "Ch**t fut daya hai? Toi baat nahin tilai kar dijiye.. magar yaha tyu aaye hain?Yahan par nayee nayee Ch**t milegee tilai nahee hotee hai"
Santa- "Abey Ch**t nahi, suit fut gaya hai..uski silai karnee hai."
Dukaandaar-"Tardaar Dee aap dalat tamajh rahe hain..main bhee wohi bol raha hun...!"
Santa-"Oh ho..theek hai!"
Dukaandaar-"Aap ek tam tariye..turta theek hai to uske matching ka talwaar le jaiye.."
Santa-"Abey talwaar kyu..oh achha salwar bol raha hai, samjha. Theek hai mujhe sare suit dikhao main match karata hun..."
Dukaandaar-"Tardar di mere dukaan me harek Lu*d ta Ch**t hai, aapko toi pareshani nahin hogee..., boliye taun te Lu*d ka Ch**t dikhaun?"
Santa-"Abey biwi meri ghar par hai to tere paas uska Ch*t kaise ho sakta hai?"
Dukaandaar-"Aap fir dalat tamajh rahe hain...! Mere paas harek tarah ke ch**t hai...bataiye aapkee biwi ke Ch**t ka lu*d kaun sa hai?"
Santa baukhla jata hai-"yaha dikahu ya kahee aur chal ke dikhau ?"
Dukaandaar-"Yahee dithaiyega..aur tahee tyu dithaiyega?"
Santa agal bagal dekhta hai aur dukaandaar ke baat par dhyan naheen deta hai,par sare color dekhne ke baad bhee Santa ko koi matching color nahin milta hai,
Santa -' Oye tu hi bata kaun sa rang sabhee suit par chal jayega?"
Dukaandaar-"Tardar dee, ch**t me to kaisa bhee Lu*d ho..bahut achhaa lagta hai.....!"
Santa sochta hai ki Kala rang sab par khulta hai to kale rang ka suit dikhane ko kahta hai.
Dukaandaar-"Theek tocha, Ch**t me Tala hee tabse achhaa hai...fir aage toi dikkat nahi..!"

[Mahamuni]

I enjoyed quite a lot your jokes - dear lele. Here is another oldie:

SANTA SINGH AND STUDENTS

Sardar Santa Singhji is the english teacher in a school. He is very well renowned for all his students do very well in exams. The school is having an inspection and the inspector decided to visit the english class. This is what transpires :

Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA "
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA "
Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PEECHE GADHA "
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PEECHE GADHA "
Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PEECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PEECHE MAI"
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PEECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PEECHE MAI"
Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PEECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PEECHE MAI AUR MERE PEECHE SAARA DESH "
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PEECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PEECHE MAI AUR MERE PEECHE SAARA DESH"

By this time the inspector is furious . He confronts the principal and shouts at him "What is this Santa Singh teaching to students. He is supposed to be taking an english class and what he is saying is GADHA ,GADHE KE PEECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PEECHE MAI AUR MERE PEECHE SAARA DESH. The principal too is shocked , Santa Singh the famous english teacher doing this. He immediately sends for Santa Singh.

Principal : " Santa singhji what nonsense are you telling these students, GADHA , GADHE KE PEECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PEECHE MAI AUR MERE PEECHE SAARA DESH".
Santa Singh : "Yes i was telling all this in class, but i was only teaching the students the spellings of assassination.:- ***-***-I-Nation

[Mastikhor]

Dukaandaar-"Tardar dee, ch**t me to kaisa bhee Lu*d ho..bahut achhaa lagta hai.....!"
Santa sochta hai ki Kala rang sab par khulta hai to kale rang ka suit dikhane ko kahta hai.
Dukaandaar-"Theek tocha, Ch**t me Tala hee tabse achhaa hai...fir aage toi dikkat nahi..!"

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[professor]

this is called GHARELOO kind of joke..

:lol:

[karu]

Ek mental asylum mein apne santa bhi patient rahte hain

Ek baar mantriji ki visit hoti hai mental asylum mein

Mantriji alag alag ward mein jaate hain kyon ki wahan par bahut kisam ke paagal hoten hain alag alag dimaagi bimaari ke

Mantriji ek ward mein aate hain to dekhte hain ki saare paagal trruuu trruuu kar rahen hai aur daud rahe hain lekin santa bechara kone mein baitha unko dekhkhar has raha hota hai.

Mantriji ko lagta hai yeh to pagal nahin lagta hai, normal lagta hai. Woh uske paas jaate hain aur puchte hain kyon sardarji aap nahin chalayenge gaddi.

Santa kahta hai : main kya pagal hoon jo aisa karoon, main to puri tarah normal hoon, mantriji aap meri sifaarish kijiye naa aur mujhe is narak se nikaliye

Mantriji impress hokar : sure sure, kahan hai tumhari medical superitendent ka cabin mujhe wahan le chalo

Santa : abhi chalo, baitho mere piche, trruu trruu trruu trruuu

:laugh: :laugh: