To spare the rod or not

[Sunshine]

Every one has their own way of parenting and discipling their childern.
What do you guys do ???? Sabne kab tak apne ma ke hath ke thapad ya jote khaye hai ???

[DreamWeaver]

up to class 10...

[Bijlee Ka Birju]

I think, frustrated or non-competent parents use rod. May be its too blunt thought, but I can explain, if asked.

[Sunshine]

BKB I understand what you mean. Thats the reason most of the time parents remove their frustration on the children and I am not just talking about any one set of parent. Infact I have come across lot of parents who just don't have any patience with their children and loose their temper for no ryme or reason. On the other hand there are also parents who will not correct their childern at all. I am not saying beat them or hit them but if necessary there is no harm in a slap or two.

[Mastikhor]

The saying "Laaton ke bhoot baaton se nahi maantey" is applicable SOMETIMES.

Jab bacchon pay koi bhoot sawar ho jaata hai aur koi zid pakad lete hain, to uss bhoot ko utarney ke liye kaan ke niche bajani padti hai.

Sometimes, if one of the parent's mood is not good and the child wants to play or tries to attract attention, the parent might take out their frustration on the child. It is at this time that the other parent should realise that their spouse mood is not good and try to calm the child/parent.

:)

[Sunshine]

There is this current breed of parents who go by the book and are totally spoiling their kids. I feel each child is different and you can't raise a child by reading a book.

[funnyfaridabadi]

Even chanakya said "Fondle a son until he is five years of age, and use the stick for another ten years, but when he has attained his sixteenth year treat him as a friend."

[Mastikhor]

Very true.

It is also important to realise that the child does'nt make you dance to his/her tunes. Many times the child learns to blackmail parents by crying, throwing tantrums.

Parents usually fulfill their childs demands specially if it is the only kid in the family. But there has to be some control over the childs demands.

[Mastikhor]

Even chanakya said "Fondle a son until he is five years of age, and use the stick for another ten years, but when he has attained his sixteenth year treat him as a friend."

FF ... today's kids are much smarter even before 5. They actually talk and act much higher than their age. I've seen some kids who know how to manipulate their parents to get their things done.

I feel that the current breed of children are very smart and not bhola bhala like kids should be.

:)

[funnyfaridabadi]

FF ... today's kids are much smarter even before 5. They actually talk and act much higher than their age. I've seen some kids who know how to manipulate their parents to get their things done.

I feel that the current breed of children are very smart and not bhola bhala like kids should be.

:)

Kids were never that kind of bhola bhala, even 5000 years back too but they lost there smartness because of our pandit's and the so called dharamguru. They killed there smartness. If you don't believe have you seen any child as smart as Lord Krishna if so then I :adore:

[Bijlee Ka Birju]

Kids don’t need to be slapped or abused to be raised appropriately. Treat them like an individual from day one and build a bond. I know, its easier said than done, as it takes a lot of energy, patience, time and commitment. But its worth that efforts.

Inspite of all that, sometimes kids throw tantrums which test the limits of your patience, but slapping or using force is not an excuse. You use force to show or impose your authority which only makes the kid a rebel. Then one fine day you wonder why you have a generation gap with your kids?

[funnyfaridabadi]

Kids don’t need to be slapped or abused to be raised appropriately. Treat them like an individual from day one and build a bond. I know, its easier said than done, as it takes a lot of energy, patience, time and commitment. But its worth that efforts.

Inspite of all that, sometimes kids throw tantrums which test the limits of your patience, but slapping or using force is not an excuse. You use force to show or impose your authority which only makes the kid a rebel. Then one fine day you wonder why you have a generation gap with your kids?

Well said BKB :hi_5:

[airINDIA]

Nice post Sunshine and good replies Masti and FF

I just became a proud father of a beautiful girl in April... I shall keep these comments in mind...:)

I 100% agree with Sunshine and Masti about "book-raising" your kids... I am in USA, and some of our friends (Indian and American both) are now suggesting to us different parenting books and magazines...and I can't help but roll eyes :rolleyes:

...the way I see it; you can use these books and magazines as a guideline and especially to tackle your fear of unknown (say, your kid is acting certain way, then the book will tell you if it's normal at that age or not. For example, I read that at certain months, infants will one day start getting their depth preception, and freak out all the sudden, there is nothing wrong with that and nothing you can do about it. Before reading the book, I didn't know this, and it's helpful)... but it should be the extent of books/magz...you can't raise your kid based on books alone...

[airINDIA]

Kids don’t need to be slapped or abused to be raised appropriately. Treat them like an individual from day one and build a bond. I know, its easier said than done, as it takes a lot of energy, patience, time and commitment. But its worth that efforts.

Inspite of all that, sometimes kids throw tantrums which test the limits of your patience, but slapping or using force is not an excuse. You use force to show or impose your authority which only makes the kid a rebel. Then one fine day you wonder why you have a generation gap with your kids?

BKB, you must have posted this while I was typing my post...Very well said...:award:

[Sunshine]

BKB in todays world where both the parents are away form their kids through out the day ( atleast through out the waking hours of the child) and the kids are raised in the creche or by the nanny or in the extreme cases by watching T.V, how many parents really have the time to share anything with their kids????
As you rightly said that the bonding should be cultivated right from the begning. But when there is no time even to hold your baby in your arms for few min's in a day where does the question of bonding arrive????

I dont think just one slap occasionally would make your child rebel.


PS- BKB if you are the kind of parent who is actually following what all you said, hats off to you. and if you are still single ...............I can uderstand it from the childs ( or should i say not the parent's) point of view.

[Bijlee Ka Birju]

It doesn’t really matter whos point of view it is, whether parents or kids. This is how I see it.

Child learns to blackmail from his parent, because he is paying back his parents in same coin. Parents, as Sunshine said, for their convenience or due to situational demand, raise their kids on creches, with nanny or watching TV. Then these parents to compensate their guilt feeling, bows to kids’ unnecessary demands and tantrums and bribe them to overcome the temporary mood swing of kids; which the kid takes as norm of life. And later when this same kid puts his unnecessary demand, the parents handle him as per their convenience, which could either by slapping or bowing to his demands. The same principle applies during their growing up, only the “demands” changes. I hope I am clear here.

So who is here to blame first? The parents, of course. Why they adopt a lifestyle for which both the parents have to work? Or rather, why they have a kid so early in married life when they are in a stage of stabilizing their life financially and couldn’t afford one parent to sit at home taking care of kid.

Ridiculing “book-raising” is ok, but don’t hit your kid to show you are practical. Slapping hurts, even if occasional. It does hurts more on emotional level than physical. In any other relationship, physical abuse, even in very-moderate level, is not tolerated, then why in parenthood? For example, can a woman who lives with her husband who asserts “occasionally” his superiority using force; claim to have a blissful married life? Mind it, its occasional. No, then why it is expected that kid should tolerate being slapped occasionally? When you slap kid, you are asserting your control over his actions. You are imposing yourself on him and perhaps, you are also teaching unintentionally that domestic violence could be a way to get what you need. It it’s a girl kid, its terrible; you are teaching her to accept domestic violence and being subjugated is acceptable norm of life.

So, I strongly feel, whatever the frequency of using rod or slapping, physical abuse to reprimand kid is done by weak and non-competent parents. Kids should be taught that physical aggression in any form and from anybody is not at all tolerated, should be condemned and reciprocated in appropriate way.

Btw, FF, with due respect to your Mr. Chanakya, I don’t think a dude who received stick from his dad for 10 years would give back carrot to his dad in the eleventh year. Dream on . . . :tongue:

[Sunshine]

What I am interested in knowing is are you following what all you said here BKB?????

[Bijlee Ka Birju]

What I am interested in knowing is are you following what all you said here BKB?????

I am not acting to be an idealist here, but I do follow what I typed and its no big deal. :)

[Sunshine]

ofcourse its a big deal not everyone can do it. :)

Recently there was this news that the parents beat their 4 year old child to death because he was not able to recognise one of their chinease character.